"Media for the masses, not the mainstream."

  

OUR MISSION • the TRAUMATIC ARTS • MY STORY • RESOURCES

 

Independent film has made great strides in its efforts to encourage minority filmmakers. However the recognition and achievements of disabled filmmakers are conspicuously absent. And as for mainstream film, there appears to be none at all. With the number of films produced each year that focus on physical or mental disabilities, they lack the true voice of the disabled artist. No matter how much an "able" filmmaker empathizes with and/or is affected by disabled life, they do not have a first-person perspective.

I do have that first-person perspective. My name is Matthew Van Vlack and I am a disabled filmmaker. My ambition as a filmmaker is to share with audiences my first-person perspective of the unique lives and enriching experience of the disabled through the medium of cinema.

The lives of the disabled are as human as the able: there is comedy, love, conflict and resolution. Because the disabled are challenged to a greter degree at every point in life, they must overcome greater odds. Greater is the joy and triumph, more intense and affecting the pain and tragedy. This is the very definition of cinema. If Hollywood wants to deliver heroes that are larger than life, they need look no further than to the disabled. For in their very ordinary lives are the lives of the extraordinary.

Combining the powers of image, word and music, the medium of film conveys the complex layers of life like no other. It delivers its message directly into the hearts of the audience. No matter how skillful the craftsman or how excellent the refinement of technique, ultimately what connects an audience to a film is the reality of what is on the screen. If a filmmaker can convey this experience as genuinely as possible, no matter how fantastic the story, then the audience is enlightened about disabled life. When that is done, perception changes.

In an effort to achieve this goal, I have created the "Traumatic Arts Project." Through TAP I will work not only to get out to the public my experience as a disabled artist but other disabled artists whatever their medium.

Over the coming months, I will post information and announcements on this page regarding the efforts of "TAP" and how both filmmakers and supporters of disabled artists can contribute. So please stay tuned.

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In a nutshell, the traumatic arts is any art form inspired by trauma..and that means just about anything created by any artist no matter what their traumatic inspiration. Is there an artist who wasn't inspired by trauma? Nope. Whether the trauma was physical or psychological, every great artistic icon's vision was born from some kind of suffering. It is all fuel for literature, art, music and film.

When I first began structuring TAP I decided I didn't want to limit the definition of traumatic arts because no one single disability with which I've battled has inspired my art more than another. Perhaps each of them inspired a particular piece of art at a given moment, but in total I could not separate each disability and each piece of art. They all contributed to the whole of my artisitic vision. Since my disabilities are neither exclusively physical nor psycological I decided that TAP should welcome any and all artists who are inspired by trauma whether they have one or mulitiple conditions.

Likewise, I didn't want to define the traumatic arts to a single artistic discipline. I've engaged in multiple disciplines over the course of my artistic life. I've been an actor, sketch artist, painter, musician, author, screenwriter, producer and film director. If I wasn't going to limit the kind of disabilities that applied to inclusion in TAP, I decided I wasn't going to limit the kind of discipline that TAP would include. Inclusion is key to any successful movement. I abhor exclusion. If I was going to design a non-profit to help disabled artists, I shouldn't limit the kind of disability or kind of artist who should receive assistance.

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My first disability was Legg-Calve-Perthes disease (aka Legg-Perthes or simply Perthes disease). I was seven-years-old when the symptoms of Perthes Disease surfaced. My right foot turned inwards, I suffered severe pain in my right hip and experienced night terrors.

Perthes Disease is a childhood form of degenerative arthritis. It can occur in one or both hips. In my case it was only the right hip. This condition causes the malformation and eventual collapse of the head of the hipbone. It is usually brought about in conjunction with a condition called avascular necrosis, which results in a lack of blood flow to a particular part of the body that causes degeneration of the bone and atrophy of the muscles.

The official diagnosis for Perthes Disease came three years later, and on that same day, I was rushed to the hospital. After two weeks in traction surgery was performed and a body cast was placed on my lower body for about 10 weeks. I was then on crutches for another six months. Regardless of the surgery, I developed a limp, my leg shrunk a quarter of an inch and the muscles in my right leg continued to atrophy, and my body has been in constant, chronic, arthritis pain.

Sometime between 1998 and 2000, the degenerative arthritis returned, and in early 2000 I was diagnosed with osteonecrosis, which literally translates to "death of the bone." An adult form of Perthes disease, my right hip, once again, had collapsed. This also was linked to a re-diagnosis of avascular necrosis. The only option was a total hip replacement. However, because I had become morbidly obese, I had to lose no less than 100 pounds prior to the surgery in order for the arthoplasty (artificial hip) to take hold following the surgery.

The orthopedic surgeon estimated I had been walking on the collapsed hip for anywhere from six months to a year. He said that if the weight were not lost, I would be in a wheelchair or crawling into his office on my hands and knees in six months. Fortunately, it took less than one calendar year for me to lose more than the 100 pounds. Due to the long-term damage, it took almost nine months for me to recover. As a result, I still walk with a cane.

More recently, it has been diagnosed that my left hip is in the beginning stages of osteoarthritis. This is a degenerative condition either of the soft tissues between the head and socket of the hipbone or the bone itself. It is progressive and can lead to osteonecrosis. This means my left hip will likely be replaced sometime down the line.

In 1994 and again in 2005 I was diagnosed with spondylolysis and spondylolisthesis. A defect of my lower (or lumbar) spine, the fifth vertebra is slipping away from my tail (or sacrial) bone. This is likely causing pressure on my spinal cord and is definitely causing pain throughout my lower back as the muscles and connective tissues strain to compensate for the slippage.

In 2005, an MRI revealed bilateral foraminal stenosis. Another painful spinal defect where the spinal column progressively shrinks on both sides and applies further pressure on my spinal cord. This pain can be so severe at times that I cannot sit and must stand or lie down for long periods of time.

This MRI of my spine also showed what doctors described as "significant" signs of bone degeneration similar to what happened to my right hip. This degeneration is progressive but the rate is unknown.

All of these spinal problems limit my mobility and contribute to my overall chronic pain.

Another of my disabilities is neuropathy. It is inconclusive whether it is peripheral neuropathy or small fiber neuropathy. Although I have neuropathy pain throughout my body at various times, it affects my lower legs and feet constantly. The pain is at times burning, sharp, shooting, and can be unbearable.

Neuropathy is a condition where the brain continually sends signals to a part of body telling it, it is in pain. This condition could be occurring because of my spinal defects or as a result of the multiple surgeries on my lower body. It could also be something else entirely.

The neuropathy causes nightly cramping of my calve muscles, restless legs and insomnia.

The specific causes of my disabilities are unclear. The consensus is they are congenital, which means they are likely tied to genetic defects and not specific trauma. This means neither surgery nor any other medical procedure can correct them, at least not without further damage and further pain.

In general, all of these disabilities cause chronic pain. The pain is persistent and has progressed significantly in the last two years. Due to the limitation of my mobility, doctors have recommended the use of a walker or one of those powered chairs sold on infomercials.

Last, but not least, is the disability of moderate to severe depression. Recurrent since the age of seven, it has led to anxiety attacks, manic behavior and even suicidal thoughts. My depression has been linked to chronic pain and the emotional difficulty of adjusting to being disabled. The decision to go public with disabilities hidden for almost 30 years and taking an antidepressant has helped to control these.

My chronic pain is crippling and was psychologically destroying my life. Finally, I found both a psychiatrist and a pain management specialist who sympathized with and understood my suffering. It is the consensus of both these doctors that I have been under medicated for my conditions my entire life. The conclusion is that for the rest of my life I will be on some form of pain medication, and that medication will have to be stronger as the disabilities progress.  

Here is a current list of my medication:

Hydrocodone (aka Vicodin) - 3 times a day for pain management
Lexapro - 1 a day for depression and pain management.
Ibuprofin - as needed for arthritic pain
Licodaine Patches - applied to my lower back to relieve pain
Acetaminophen - as needed for arthritic pain
Quinine Sulfate - 1 at night to relieve cramping and restless leg movement

All of this amounts to the fact that I have a limited amount of time to accomplish my work as a filmmaker. Having suffered all my life with disability and chronic pain, I know that neither the healthcare industry nor the public at large knows how devastating and ultimately destructive chronic pain is to those who suffer with it. Not only the ones who suffer with it but also those who love them.

I'm writing a blogspot.com blog about my day-to-day life with disability and chronic pain called "FLUKE O' NATURE - musings, ramblings and questionable insights from a disabled artist, author and filmmaker." To check it out, click on the banner below. I hope it'll be a source of information and inspiration.

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As I began my own personal search for resources available to disabled artists, I discovered some but not nearly enough. These are good organizations with a genuine desire to help disabled artists. I have also included several international resources for disabled artists. My research has shown that the disabled artists are much more celebrated overseas than here in the States. I hope that this will soon change.

There are also many festivals that celebrate the artistic efforts of the disabled communities all across the globe. Some of these include:

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